I have been praying so much more lately. For my friends, for my family, for my church. For me. Since this year started, I have been trying to be more intentional with my prayers to God. I mean, he's really and truly listening. I have been praying especially hard that he teaches me to trust his voice and learn who should have access to me versus who shouldn't.
I think that everyone can attest to the fact that the whole month of January has been A LOT. Wild fires. A legend, Kobe Bryant, was killed in a crash with eight others. Viruses breaking out everywhere. It's just been a lot. And one of the first things I thought of doing was making amends with the very same people who hurt me. Being friends with people who legit corrupt my good character. Whenever tragedies happen, I always think of how short life is and have a need to fix broken friendships/relationships. And God was like, "Why? If I removed these people from your life, can you not trust me that it was for your good?"
Then I started thinking of the people that I am still holding on to that God is telling me to let go of. These are people that I love y'all...I hold them near and dear to my heart. But these are people who can also be toxic at times, who doesn't always have my best interest at heart, who take from me (spiritually and emotionally) but never give anything in return. Loving someone does not mean that you should suffer to make them happy. It's not right. And letting someone go does not mean that you no longer love them. If it's one thing that I have learned, it's that as we get older, we outgrow people...and that's okay! We have to stop trying to save what God is saying "nah" too. It's blocking the bigger blessings that he has in store for us. We have to pray that he gives us the strength to walk away from toxic relationships and friendships. He wants the best for us.
I'm still trying to practice what I preach. It's hard to tell someone that you love that you need time away from them. These are tough conversations to have. But, loving someone does not mean you have to condone everything that they do. At the end of the day, you have to practice self-care, self-love, self-best-interest-at-heart.
NOW...I'm not saying to just cut people off. I'm saying to pray about it. Have a talk with your loved ones who you have had rocky relationships with. Sometimes they may not know that you feel this way. But don't allow yourself to be in a situation where your loved one refuses to change for the sake of the relationship/friendship. If this "ship" gives you anxiety, causes you heartache, and leaves you confused, then this a ship you should no longer be on.
Your mental, emotional, and spiritual health matters. <3