Before I continue, this blog post is in NO WAY invalidating anyone's traumatic experiences. I understand that healing is not linear...healing actually looks very messy for some people. The question is: have you started your healing process yet?
The Rona-19 has been forcing me to utilize my FaceTime app more frequently. I recently connected with my three cousins on FT and it was so anxiety-relieving. With all that is going on in the world, talking to them took my mind off of these unsettling times for about a good hour. While we were talking, our conversation shifted to childhood experiences and trauma. I was sharing with them that my sister hasn't been interested in having a relationship with my mother for a long time and I don't really blame her. I further explained that my sister and I have been through a lot as children and her way of healing has been way different than mine.
My cousin interrupted me in the middle of my sentence and said, "well, she shouldn't be rude to her mother. What y'all been through could never compare to half of the things that I have been through." I was like...
First of all, the worst thing one could ever do is compare their trauma with other people's trauma. You don't know that person's story! For example, that's like telling someone she should be lucky that she grew up with two parents because your father left, not knowing that she's being abused by hers. There's a song by one of my favorite Gospel groups that says, "What God brought you through could have killed somebody else." Never EVER wish that you lived somebody else's life. You were given a life that God knew and believed that you could live. Your existence is not a mistake, no matter how hard your trauma tried to tear you down or even worse...kill you. Your existence will only feel like a mistake if you continue to let your trauma have power over your life.
As I have previously stated, healing is not linear. It looks different for everyone, and the amount of time it takes to heal varies by individual and/or families. You have to want to heal, though. After a while, using your trauma as an excuse gets old because everyone has been through some sort of traumatic experience. Stop holding yourself back from finding true love; from breaking generational curses; from being wealthy; from being who God called you to be. When we linger and dwell in our trauma, we are literally hindering our chances of growing and becoming the person that we need to be for this world. If a bunch of broken people are walking around hurting themselves and each other, then this world will never heal.
The great thing about healing is that you have opportunity to turn your pain into something beautiful. Do you love to sing? Sing about your pain! Are you a writer? Write about your pain! How about dancing? Dance out your pain! Take your broken heart and turn it into art! That is what I chose to do when I published my poetry book. I chose to write about my pain, and regardless of the lash back that I received from family, writing my book started my healing process. It also got me paid! :)
It is not too late to start your healing journey. If you don't know where to start, try meeting with a local therapist. If you cannot afford to meet with one, try talking with loved ones whom you trust and who will hold you accountable. The only person responsible for your healing is you.
Yes...you!! So, I challenge you to start today. It will be hard, but try to tap into those broken places and jot down the areas in your life that needs healing. If you are a person that prays, submit your requests to God. If you have been holding off on therapy for a while, that list can be your starting point. Whatever you choose to do, make no more excuses...just start.